A Provisional Suicide Note to Society

 ..I could never kill myself. If I did, it wasn't really me who did it.

I definitely must have been consumed. Consumed by what though?

Maybe it is my ego - or maybe it is just my spirit making the decision to move onwards along a different path. I was certainly not left alone.

Maybe it is hatred that has consumed my mind and body. That seems much more likely. Hatred is so much more powerful than love. Especially in this world of hoarding apes, dividing themselves and their sticks by assumptions, denials and delusions.

I never felt like I belonged here. A 'brown' king in London. Mixtured like chocolate milk. Neither milk nor chocolate. Born as an outsider of all surroundings . A native alien.

My only times of feeling belonging are cloaked in a shameful feeling of insanity, as if each glorious experience of presence was only a result of - inescapably shaped by - my affliction of exclusion and subsequently skewed perception.

Feeling my every intention to be disagreeably unacceptable, all the good dreams turned to bad. I was pushing forward from my imposed position and the directions projected outward against the grain. 

I had too much discomfort to bear - and the escape from my reality became of more value than all the losses that my suicide would produce.

Constantly opposed by others, the systems and myself, there was no assistance to save my life's growth. Present, yes. But, when the assistance is only in hastened words and breezing spirit from a fraction of the small number of people who love me, the assistance is heavily outweighed by the towering forces of ruin that pervade every intention.

The society that I was absorbed into rejected me like skin would paint. I always stuck out - but I could not stay stuck on forever.

My 'brothers and sisters' are my company but are the most noticeable causes of my disadvantage - or at least compliant facilitators in it. They know not of the 'brotherhood' manifesting and a 'sisterhood' progressing in tandem. They are only human and 'human' needs to be redefined.

Every step in our rushing march toward dehumanised transhumanism, automation and digitalisation made me want to cease this life as a human sooner.

I could not endure anymore the vapid suction of our shared existence.

Culturally founded... I loved it all.