Why Japanese Porn Is Funny

Yes, I am a wanker. I never masturbate more than three times a week though.

Japanese porn is a joke, here’s why:

·         The guys have small penises

·         When there’s a big one, it is fake. Also, the guy who’s wearing the big dick has to hold it on.

·         The girls seem as mindless as 6 year olds or teenagers in a foreign country, with personalities that seem impressionable and unlearned.

·         The guys are funny, instead of intimidating or scary

·         The girls are pretty and interesting but they generally act in ways that say “I don’t know what is going on” or "I have no emotional response to any of this"

·         That, more often than not, makes the mood a bit ‘rapey’ – but it always fades after 5 minutes into the video, when the girl has stopped acting confused.
·         Whilst they are not diverse with regards to race, physically deformed people are welcomed.

·         The girls overact, as if the little penis is hurting them.

·         That’s stupid because not only are they supposed to be enjoying the sex but they are able to give birth to babies ten times as big as the 2x1” (inch) penis they take.
·         Half of the girls are too cute to fap over. I just end up watching quietly with a softie smiling.

·         Many of the JAVs have a ‘this is war!’ manga-style introduction, in terms of look and sound, that is the complete opposite to the Western ‘ooh-aah’ style.

·         There is an emphasis on wide-shots instead of close-ups.

·         You never know whether or not you’ll be able to see a vag clearly. Which makes you want that shit more.
·         The censoring funnily makes you want to see a man's penis. Every time you get an high-quality uncensored video, you feel lucky.

·         The filmmakers proudly endorse pervy soft-core activities, such as stroking clothing, an unsecured tying-up, heavy-groping and something called ‘ear fingering’.
·         They produce for every fetish you could imagine. Semen buffets, small animal crushing, baby costumes... From ten random downloads, you're guaranteed 1 or 2 WTFs.

·         The standard format of Japanese porn is 2-hour single-girl multiple-scene odysseys, instead of 40-min ‘wham-bam’ routines.

·         I’m made to think that my penis would literally kill a Japanese woman.

I’ll still going to watch Japanese porn… albeit not as often as the disgusting stuff.